Video Conference Etiquette

Ian: [00:00:00] All right, here we are again. It is April, whatever day it is. Today we’re going to be talking about some different policies and procedures to help you maintain business etiquette as you social distance. Okay? I’ve got some good news and I’ve got some bad news. Good news is, you can now use zoom and other web chat technologies to make sure you’re still carrying on business as usual.

The bad news is, if you have on boxers and or briefs during a web call or sexy lingerie for you ladies out there, there will be a mandatory 14 to 28 day quarantine, or [00:01:00] firing. You must use proper etiquette as you social distance. We’re in this and we’re in this together. We are Kentucky. We will survive.

Next.

You cannot be doing things on screen. During said web call, thinking that no one can see you while you’re on the screen. That includes picking your nose, eating very messy chicken wings with sauce all around the lip area. You cannot be doing any type of scratching up here in the chestal region because it is all being recorded on the software being used by your business.

Also. During these webinars or during these web chats, you cannot have noise carrying on in the background. [00:02:00] This includes your babies, dogs barking, someone arguing vaguely in the distance, a banging sound that no one seems to be able to identify or a telephone ringing. You must mute yourself during any and all webchat calls.

Ken, do you have that power? Do you have that video ready?

Ken: [00:02:27] [yelling from off screen.] Maaannn, get in here and cut that PlayStation off.

Ian: [00:02:31] I’ll be in there in a minute.

Ken: [00:02:32] [yelling from off screen] I’m not playing, come in here…

Ian: [00:02:35] My bad y’all. I’m back. What’s up guys glad to be here.

[rustling from opening a bag of potato chips]

What are we talking about today?

[loudly eating chips] These are really good. Have y’all ever had Grippo?

 Hey guys, glad to be here today on this chat, [00:03:00] wait a minute. Hey y’all, is this a pimple right here on my face? Can y’all see that?

Hey guys, [hard breathing] just do some exercises [hard breathing] at home [hard breathing] because there’s no gyms [hard breathing] because of COVID-19. Hey, Susan.

You now have seen examples of how to not social distance.

We must do it the right way. We are all in this together. We are here, we are present. We’re in Kentucky. We will survive and we are Kentucky strong. Now I know this time is hard. We want to sit with our bottom halves, legs shown completely exposed. We must maintain our strengths and our integrity [00:04:00] for the duration of this quarantine. It will not last forever.

It will get better. I promise that.

Also, I know it’s hard to keep the noise level down. All the children are home. All the noise is crazy. Xbox live is loading in the background, but you must hit that mute yourself button during these chaotic times.

We also know your nose itches and you want to scratch it.

Your chest needs to be fixed up. Maybe you need to adjust something. We understand these difficult times, but we are here together. We’re in this together. We can do this. We are Kentucky and we will use the zoom etiquette and be better than any and all states.

Ken, can you show that chart again? Can you show that chart of how we’re doing against other states?

Okay. Did you see here, Kentucky [00:05:00] is way up here at the tip top of doing everything I just said. All the other states are trash. They’re down here. All right. Now, if you follow these instructions, we will benefit as a state. Okay. When you’re on that zoom call, and you’re thinking about standing up with boxers on, you need to think about your employer and you need to think about Kentuckians.

 Talk to you guys tomorrow. Thank you, Ken. You can stop that.