Behavior Strategies Webinar

Stella: Good morning, everyone. Thank you so much for joining us today for our webinar on Behavior Basics. My name is Stella Beard. I’m the assistant director for Kentucky SPIN, and we are so happy that you’ve joined us today. Our speaker today is Michaela Evans. She is our Central Kentucky educational specialist. And Michaela has a 12-year-old with autism, so we’re excited to have her share some of her tips on behavior.

But before we get started, I want to do just a little a bit of housekeeping. You do have handouts that you can download on your dashboard. On the right hand side of your screen, you should see a dashboard. There is a place where we have the PowerPoint and four additional handouts for you to download. In case you don’t get a chance to download them, I want to let you know we will be sending up a follow-up email with all the handouts included for you, along with the PowerPoint, and a certificate of attendance for you being on our webinar today. 

Also, in the dashboard, there’s a box that says questions. If you have questions throughout the webinar, please type those in there. I will be monitoring those for Michaela. And she will reach out to me during the webinar, and ask if there are any questions, and we will do our best to answer them. If for some reason we don’t get to your question today, we will follow up with you personally, as we keep track of all the questions on the webinar. 

I want to tell you just a little bit about Kentucky SPIN. We are funded through the US Department of Education, and we are actually the parent training and information center or PTI for the state of Kentucky. We provide training information and support for children and youth with all types of disabilities. And we, also help their parents, families, and professionals.

Something we do not do is act as attorneys. What we provide is we empower families to effectively advocate for their children. And we also provide peer support to help families access that needed information and resources. All of our staff are either parents who have a child with a disability, a sibling, or a person with a disability themselves, so I love that about Kentucky SPIN. And mainly, one of the things that we do more than anything is we lend a listening ear to help families navigate the special education process.

Through all of this with COVID-19, we have really been present with helping families during this pandemic and time of change, so you can go to our website, which is Kyspin.com for some great resources and information to help families during the stay-home time. 

So, I’m going to turn it over to Michaela now. Michaela, can you hear me?

Michaela: I can. 

Stella: Okay, great. Well, thank you, and we’ll get started.

Michaela: Thank you Stella. So, we’re going to talk today about just some of the basics in behavior management to help you guys dealing with kids at home. One of the biggest challenges we face as parents is managing difficult or defiant behavior in our children. So, whether they’re refusing to put on their shoes or throwing full-blown tantrums, we often find ourselves at a loss for an effective way to respond to that.

Positive behavior therapy techniques provide a roadmap to calmer and more consistent ways to manage problem behaviors, and they give our children a chance to gain developmental skills that they need to regulate their own behaviors.

So, we’re going to talk about the ABCs of behavior management, and that includes antecedents, behaviors, and consequences.

Antecedents are just triggers or the preceding factors that make a behavior more or less likely to occur. And so, learning and anticipating your child’s triggers can be very helpful in preventing misbehavior.

When we talk about behaviors, we’re going to look at the specific actions that we want to encourage or discourage.  And not all behaviors are negative, just keep that in mind. We will dive deeper into that in a little while.

And then consequences, the results that naturally or logically follow a behavior. And consequences can be negative or positive, and may affect the likelihood of a behavior reoccurring. The more immediate the consequence, the more powerful it is.

When we’re talking about defining behaviors, the first step in behavior management is to identify target behaviors. These behaviors should be specific so that everyone is clear on what is expected. You want to avoid poorly defined behaviors, like being good, or acting up. We want to be very specific.

An example would be, Jacob will pick up his room the first time he is asked, or Jessica will not hit others.

So, antecedents are those triggers, come in many forms. Some antecedent setup negative behavior, and then others are helpful tools that can help us manage potentially problematic behaviors before they begin, and can promote good behavior. 

So, there are some antecedents or triggers that you want to avoid. You don’t assume that expectations are understood, and don’t assume that your kids know what is expected of them. We really have to spell it out. And of course, demands change from situation to situation. And when children are unsure of what they’re supposed to be doing, they’re more likely to misbehave.

And also, don’t call things out from a distance. You really want to be sure and tell children important directions face-to-face. Get down on their level, and make sure that what you’re telling them is very clear. If we just yell it out across the room, it’s less likely to be remembered or understood. 

Don’t transition without warning. This is a big one. Transitioning from one activity to another can be hard for kids, especially our kids with developmental delays. And so, transitions are particularly hard when children are in the middle of something that they enjoy. And having warning gives children the chance to find a good stopping place in an activity that they like, and makes the transition to the next task easier. And we can talk about some tools a little bit later on to help you with those transitions as well. 

Stella: Michaela, can you give some examples here of about transition, and the importance of letting them know that they’re getting ready to have a transition?

Michaela: Absolutely. So, kids, if you give them a couple warnings, it’s really great. I give my son a 10-minute warning, a five-minute warning, and a one-minute warning, and say we’re going to get off the video games in 10 minutes. It’s time to get ready for therapy. And then I come back, and tell him five more minutes, and then one more minute, and it really helps him to know what’s expected, and gives him time to get to that place in the video game or that YouTube video where he can stop, instead of just out of nowhere and it’s completely unexpected.

One thing that helps too is setting a kitchen timer, which a lot of kids they can see when that timer goes off, they know it’s time to transition. And for kids that are younger or don’t understand those numerical values, you can use a visual timer which works with colors, and there’s tons of apps you can download on your phone to have that anywhere you go. It’s really convenient.

So, some antecedents are triggers that we want to embrace. We want to be aware of the situation, and consider and manage our mental factors like hunger, fatigue, anxiety or other distractions. All of these factors make it difficult for children to rein in their behavior. And I can tell you personally, my son gets hungry. So, I know he is not going to perform well whatever he’s hungry. If I know going to our speech OT and PT appointments, sometimes gets a little elevated and gets a little angry, so I know to make sure he eats before he goes. And we’re going to put a lot of strain on him, or a lot of things that he doesn’t necessarily like to do, make sure that he eats. I keep snacks in the car ready to go. And then of course, you want to make sure that they’re not feeling anxious or tired. Make sure they get a good night sleep. That can help you avoid a lot of those behaviors in the first place.

Antecedents to embrace again, you want to adjust the environment. So, when it’s time to do homework, make sure you remove distractions like video games, TVs, and toys, but kids are going to want to play with those instead of doing the required tasks like homework. So, just remove those distractions, so it’s not a fight. Like I said, provide a snack. Make sure that they’re not hungry and they’re ready to work. Establish a clean organized space to work, so that they’re not overwhelmed by clutter or other things in the way. And then of course schedule breaks, because attention is not indefinite.

You want to make your expectations clear. And you’ll get more cooperation if both you and your child are clear on what is expected. So, you want to sit down and present information to them verbally. And when you feel your child should know what is expected, clarifying expectations from the start of the task will help you head-off those misunderstandings or those tantrums or meltdowns down the line. 

Stella: And Michaela what if you’re doing all of this, and you’re still not getting the cooperation that you want, how would you go about making sure that the expect—

Michaela: Sorry, Estella, you were cutting out a little bit. I’m not sure that I got the whole question.

Stella: Oh, sorry about that. I just said what if someone goes through all of these steps, and they’re still not able to get their expectations clear, what are some steps that you could do? Would you go back and kind of start over, and then go back and do the steps again if they’re not still wanting to work or do the task that’s ahead of them?

Michaela: So, I definitely am a big fan of taking a break, especially if I’m getting frustrated, or if you or the parent is getting frustrated. I’m just open and honest with my son, and I say, “Look, mom needs a break.” Let’s take a break, and come back and talk about this when we’re both calm, because if you’re both anxious, you’re not going to get anything accomplished. So, sometimes taking a break is better, even if it’s just three or five minutes to regain your calm.  And then you can start over, and make sure that you’re expressing it very clearly.

If your child is not grasping verbal expectations, or they’re not understanding what you’re saying to them through verbal means, I recommend pictures, like a visual schedule, or a first-then board. And if you have questions about that, you can reach out to us at Kentucky SPIN. I have some great resources on where to get pictures, and what types of pictures to use, because a lot of kids work better. They don’t understand that verbal communication, doesn’t stick quite as well, but a picture or visual communication will work much better.

Stella: That’s great. Thanks. 

Michaela: You want to provide countdowns for transitions, like we talked about earlier. You prepare your child whenever possible for a transition or a change in routine to kind of avoid misbehavior.

For example, give a 10-minute warning and a two-minute warning before you end a task. This may look different for your child in wherever they’re at. Some will need more frequent reminders to let them know that the end of the task is coming. When my son was younger, we had to do like every three minutes, and then two minutes, and then one minute. And now, we’re just down to a 10-minute, a five minute, and a one-minute warning.

And then you want to make sure you follow through with the transition at the stated time. So, even if they’re reluctant, even if they start misbehaving, you just say, “Now, it’s time for this,” and you keep moving as much as possible. 

And then a big thing is you want to let kids have a choice, giving them a structured choice can help them feel empowered. And we spend so much of our time telling our kids no, or what they can’t do. giving choices really helps them feel like they have a say, especially if you have a strong-willed child like I do, this helps out a lot.

So, an example would be, do you want to take a shower before or after dinner, instead of just telling them to get a shower right now. This helps children feel that they have a say in their own scheduling, and can encourage them to self-regulate their own behaviors. 

So, when we talk about consequences, you want to create an effective consequences, because not all consequences are created equal. Some consequences are an excellent way to create structure and help kids understand the difference between what behaviors are acceptable and what’s unacceptable, but other consequences have the potential to do more harm than good. And having a strong understanding of how to use consequences intelligently can consistently make all the difference.

Some consequences that you want to avoid is don’t give negative attention, because children value attention from important adults like their parents in their life so much that any attention positive or negative is better than none. And negative attention such as raising your voice or yelling actually increases those unwanted behaviors over time, and responding to behaviors with criticism or yelling can adversely affect their self-esteem, and you really don’t want to do that. 

You don’t want to delay your consequences. The most effective consequences are immediate. And for every moment that passes after a behavior, your child is less likely to link that consequence to their behavior. So, you want to make sure you handle it right there in the moment. Instead of waiting till the end of the day to say, “Okay, you were not good today at our doctor’s appointment, you don’t get video games,” you want make sure that you find some way to handle it right there, and let them know that this is not acceptable behavior. 

Stella: Michaela, we have a question. The question is what kind of behaviors are appropriate to avoid? 

Michaela: What kind of behaviors are appropriate to avoid? 

Stella: Yes.

Michaela: You want to make sure that you’re not avoiding anything that is harmful to themselves or others, or very disruptive. But say whining, you can ignore that behavior, and not give it positive attention. And then whenever they ask you calmly and politely for what they need, then you want to give them praise, and let them know. Thank you for asking mom in your big-boy voice.  And then that gives attention to the behavior you want, instead of the negative behavior like whining.

Other consequences that you want to avoid are disproportionate consequences. And so, as parents we all get very frustrated, and sometimes overreact. It happens to the best of us. A huge consequence can be demoralizing for children, and can cause them to give up on even trying to behave. If you do have a moment, and overreact go back to the child once you have calmed down, and explained. And I have learned from experience, I have to do this kind of frequently, but when I go back and let him know mom made a mistake, I was very frustrated in that moment, and I said we are never going to play video games ever again. And I just take a moment, and I come back, I would let him know, say, “I’m sorry, that was maybe not fair of mom to say, but I think maybe the more appropriate response would be we’re not going to play any video games until we get our room cleaned up today.”  And so, just letting them know that we’re human too, and we make mistakes too goes a long way. And the more you can model the appropriate behaviors for your child, the more they’re going to catch on. 

Avoiding positive consequences, an example is when a child dawdles to put on their shoes or picking up blocks and you do it for them out of frustration. I’ve been guilty of this. I think we all have at some point. And when you give in and do that for them, it increases the likelihood that they will dawdle again the next time. 

Stella: And Michaela, I think we as parents struggle with this one regardless of their age.

Michaela: Yes.

Stella: Because we as parents get frustrated when maybe they’re not doing it as quickly as we think they should. And so, out of our frustration, we end up doing it for them, and that just enables them, because the likelihood of them, like you said, doing it the next time, they’re just going to wait for you to do it. So, I think this is a real important thing for us as parents to avoid doing. 

Michaela: Yes, it becomes a learned behavior. They’ve learned that if they continue that behavior, mom will do that for them, so you’re exactly right.

So, now we’re going to talk about the effective consequences, consequences that are most effective. Start with generous amounts of attention to the behaviors that you want to encourage. 

So, attention for positive behaviors, you want to give positive attention for positive behaviors. And giving your child positive reinforcement for being good helps maintain those good behaviors, and helps make sure that they’ll continue to do that in the future. Positive attention enhances the quality of the relationship, and improves the child’s self-esteem, and feels good for everyone involved. Pay attention to brave behavior. Can also help alleviate anxiety, and help kids become more receptive to instructions and limit-setting as well.

So, another effective consequence that we had talked about was ignoring. This should only be used with minor behavior and not aggression, or very disruptive behaviors, or of course where it could hurt themselves or someone else. But you want to deliberately withdraw attention when someone starts to misbehave, or when your child starts to misbehave. And as you ignore, wait for the positive behavior to resume, and then give praise for that positive behavior as soon as the desired behavior starts. And then by withholding your attention until you get a positive behavior, you’re teaching the child which behavior you want them to engage in, or that get you to engage with them. 

Another effective consequence is reward menus. And this has worked really well in our household throughout the years. Rewards are tangible way to give your children positive feedback for desired behaviors. And reward is something a child earns and an acknowledgement that they are doing something that is difficult for them. Rewards are most effective as motivators when a child can choose from a variety of things. So, like if you give them a list, and they can have extra time on the iPad, or a piece of candy, or a special treat, offering a variety of reduces the possibility of that reward losing its appeal over time, which is happened to us. And also offers a child a sense of control, which is helpful, as we talked about previously. And then rewards should be linked to specific behaviors, and always delivered consistently. So, they know if you want your child to do something the first time as asked, and they know they get a reward for that. But make sure that your expectations are clear. They know exactly which behavior you want that’s going to get them that reward, and that you give it to them every time.

Behavior management strategies, so we’re just going to go over some ways that you can implement some specific strategies that I think you’ll find helpful. But before we do that, Stella, do we have any other questions? 

Stella: Well, I think we’re good right now.

Michaela: Okay, so some of the specific behavior management strategies we’re going to talk about that you can pull out of your toolbox will be positive reinforcement, the Premack principle. And so, the first one is positive reinforcement, the Premack principle, which is also referred to as Grandma’s rule or first-then. 

Sorry, Stella, can you go back for just one more second?

And then Behavior specific praise and choices. And so, we’re just going to dive into these a little bit more in depth, so you guys have a chance to utilize them. And then we can go onto the next slide.

So, talk about positive reinforcement first. It includes two important pieces. You want it to be immediate, and you want to make sure it increases the positive behavior in the future.

Positive reinforcement needs to immediately follow the desired behavior. Waiting for a reward at the end of the day may be too long, and it won’t be effective. And as soon as possible, give your child praise or a reward. This will help strengthen the connection between the reinforcer and the behavior. You want them to learn the link between the reward or the praise and the behavior. The sooner your child understands exactly which behavior earned a reward, the better. 

Positive reinforcement again, the desired behavior that needs to occur more often in the future. You want to pay attention to whether or not your child engages in that behavior again and more often. If they do, you want to keep using that reinforcer. If it’s not, then you may want to tweak some things, or try something else. And it really is a trial-and-error process. Sometimes, your kid is not always going to work for that reinforcer right away. Might want to try something different. 

The size of the reinforcer should match the effort needed for the behavior. So, if your child did something incredible, give them a huge reward. If they did something really small, you may not want to go and sign up for the trip to Disney World just yet. But if your child finishes everything on their dinner plate, you have to decide. Should they get two hours of screen time, or should they get a cookie? And it’s going to look different for every parent. Finishing something on your dinner plate for a child that has sensory issues with food, that may be a huge accomplishment, or for some kids that are just picky, it may be something smaller. So, that’s up to you as a parent to decide whether or not they deserve a big reward or a small reward. 

And then we also want to make the reward fit the behavior. It’s kind of the opposite of make the punishment fit the crime. You want to give a reinforcer that works, and stick with it. You want to pay attention and use reinforcers that actually increase the occurrences of the desired behavior.

Stella: Michaela, can you give us an example of the reward fitting the behavior?

Michaela: Yes. So, I’m trying to think of a good one. Like we’re talking about finishing everything on their dinner plate for my son, this used to be a huge struggle. Like if he would eat something green, which he really struggled with, then he could have gummies, which was his favorite thing, so he would get a little bit of a treat. Now, I wouldn’t necessarily say, “Okay, we’re going to go out and buy $100 toy because you ate something green.” But there were times that he did something huge, like for a long time regulating his behaviors at school were really hard, so if he was able to do that for an entire week as he got older, then we would get a videogame of his choice, which was a bigger reward. So, you just really want to make it fit the scenario. And only you as a parent are really going to know what’s appropriate for your child, because you know what their struggles are, and how hard they are for them. 

And so, also talking about positive reinforcement, free reinforcers can be more effective than candy or toys. So, you don’t always have to spend a huge amount of money, or give them something that’s unhealthy to get them to do what you want. Think about things like high-five, something as simple as singing a silly song together, or doing a happy dance, or that one-on-one time with you as a parent, and getting to choose what to do or what they want to eat, speaking in silly voices. Really, the possibilities are endless.

And I know from the time my son was little itty bitty, like I said, food in the beginning was a big struggle for us with his sensory issues that he had with his palette. And so, every time he would take a bite of something, we would sing this silly song, and his little face would just light up, and it would encourage him to do that again, because he wanted that positive attention from me. So, those things really go a long way. 

The Premack principle is another strategy I want to give to you guys, is also known as Grandma’s rule, but just most simply first-then. I call it the first-then rule. And so, first you eat your vegetables, and then you can have a treat, and first you do your homework, and then you can have screen time. It’s first whatever you want them to do, and then what they want to do, or what they’re going to gain.

You want to be consistent when using your first-then language, and the first-then wording helps children to understand what is going, helps them to perform that desired behavior. And then reminding them that something good is coming can make it a lot easier for them to do that necessary, but on fun thing, and the then part becomes their positive reinforcement. 

You don’t just tell them what’s coming next in the routine. For example, you don’t want to say, “First, put on your socks, and then put on your shoes,” because why would they want to do that? There’s no reason for them to do that. There’s no exciting or fun point to that. So, in their head, they’re thinking why should I put on my socks? 

The then doesn’t necessarily have to be something really big. You can first you eat your green beans, and then you get a high five. First, take out the trash, and then we can play Legos together. And first, wash your hands, and then pick out a snack. First, change clothes, and then we can do the hot dog dance.

You want to use whatever then works to get the job done. Be consistent with your wording, and be direct, and get to the point. First you do this, then you get this. It doesn’t have to be a whole conversation. You want to make it as clear and concise with as few words as possible, so that those directions are clear.

And then another strategy that has proven to be very helpful in my household is behavior specific praise. You want to be very specific, and when you give your child verbal praise, make sure that they know exactly what they are receiving that praise for. When you praise your child, you want to be specific, and you want to see specific behavior increase in the future.

So, instead of saying good job, tell them exactly what they did a good job for. You want to say, “Great job waiting your turn,” or “Awesome job putting on your shoes by yourself.” I like how you got in the car the first time that I asked, and I am so happy that you put your pants on. It takes a little bit of practice in the beginning, but I promise it will become like second nature. It’s something I started when my son was two or three years old, and I found myself now, even though he doesn’t need as much behavior specific praise at 12 years old, is something I still do like second nature.

You don’t leave your child guessing what they did right. You want to make it clear, and make your praise genuine. Be genuinely happy and excited, because they’re going to pick up on that. What you are truly thankful for them doing, tell them. And get in the habit of telling your child exactly what they did well, and enjoy seeing more of that behavior in the future. I promise it does work.

Offering choices is another great tool that I want you guys to be able to know how to use. We all spend so much of our time telling our kids what not to do, and do they even remember what they can do in each situation? Offering choices is an easy way to prevent problem behaviors. And instead of constantly saying no or stop, tell your children what to do instead by giving choices between appropriate responses or activities.

So, some examples would be, there is no hitting. You can walk away or ask nicely for your turn. Or if you’re in the grocery, you can tell them you have to ride in the grocery cart. Would you like to play with this toy or eat the snack that I brought for you? And then you can say, “Would you like to walk or skip to the car as you hold my hand,” and that’s one that I use frequently with my son when he was little, because that was a struggle in the parking lot. But it again gives them some sort of control. It makes them feel like it’s their idea. It’s going to make it much easier for them to use the right choice. 

You want to give choices that are acceptable at that exact time, that way your child can choose for the response for themselves, and your child will learn over time to choose one of these things without you even prompting them. The idea is to prevent the problem behavior by giving your child what they need, and a little guidance on what is acceptable to do in that moment. And then give them the freedom to choose one of the acceptable behavior or actions.

And so, these are just some of the sources that this information came from, and you guys can feel free to check that out.

And so, that kind of completes our webinar. I hope it was really helpful for you guys in learning some behavior strategies. Don’t forget to fill out our evaluation if you have a chance.

Stella, is there anything else that you wanted to—

Stella: Michaela, just a couple of things I want to let everyone know.  Yeah, just a few things I want to let everyone know. We will be sending the slides and all of the handouts to everyone. There is a question about – let me read this one to you. She thinks you answered it. She just was concerned. She just said, “I thought we weren’t supposed to reward them with food, but that you were talking about the behavior like refusing to eat.” So, I think you cleared up her question about the food issue. 

What do you do when you have a child that – and I know there’s been some times, I know with your son and of course with mine too, that they just absolutely refuse. Do you just let them have their moment to cool down, and then revisit? How would you explain to families about situations where when everything they’re trying isn’t working? 

Michaela: So, refusal is one of those, they’re avoiding a task usually. And so, you want to use your antecedents and your triggers, and you want to see why it is that they’re avoiding that task, and what specifically is the reason that’s causing all of that. And you kind of want to be analytical, and figure out what the bigger picture is. But right there in that moment, if you don’t have time to figure out what happened before, I’m a big fan, take a break.  And then once Caleb is calm down, or once my son is calmed down, and I talk to him. And he’s old enough now, I can just ask him. Hey, what’s going on? What’s making you feel this way? And see if we can work it out together. Makes him feel included in the process.

We have had times where it’s just refusal, and then that communication was not there, was not present in his younger years, and it was very very difficult. All of this is not really cut and dry, but I think at that point, it’s good to reach out for some additional resources. Like call Kentucky SPIN, and see if we have somebody we can connect you with, or if you have a behavior therapist or somebody else that works closely with your child, see if they have any professional recommendations to see what’s going on. But you really want to start analyzing behaviors, and practicing trying to figure out what those triggers are, what’s caused it, and if you can head it off in the future, so that next time they won’t refuse if you figure out what the problems going on, it’s a lot easier handling it in the moment. 

Stella: That’s great. Another question was, how do you handle a power struggle with an older child, such as a 16 or 17-year-old, and I think you pretty much answered that one too. Like you said, take a break. Let them have a time to cool down, and then revisit it. 

Michaela: Yes. So, as much as you can include them in that brainstorming process, it makes them feel like they have some of the power and control. Again, that’s going to help you out, too.

Stella: Great. Well, I think that’s all the questions. I think it went great. Thank you so much, Michaela. And remember just complete the evaluation. As we log off, it will be pop up on your screen. If you could do that. Also, visit our website for additional resources and also videos that we have done from our staff about how we’re handling the COVID-19 pandemic, which are really great. We have a YouTube channel you can go to to watch those. And we will be sending out an email, like I said, with all of the handouts. And we appreciate it very much. Thank you all everyone. Have a great day.