Trauma Informed Care (TIC) Webinar

Rhonda: [00:00:00] Thank you so much for joining us today. Today we’re going to talk about the Trauma Informed Rare in Kentucky. My name is Rhonda, I’m with Kentucky SPIN. It’s Kentucky Special Parent Involvement Network, and we have the parent training and information project funded through the U.S. Department of Education, under IDEA since 1988, when Kentucky first received one.

We are all family members or persons with disabilities helping one another. We do not act as attorneys, but what we do, is help to empower families to advocate for their children or their loved ones who have a disability, as well as those with disabilities to advocate on behalf of themselves. And lend a listening ear through a peer to peer support, which is the foundation that Kentucky SPIN was built on over 30 years ago.

So what I did want to share with you all is we had the wonderful opportunity, [00:01:00] this presentation and training we received. This was developed by Diane Kidd, with the Department for Behavioral Health and Developmental and Intellectual Disabilities. We had the great fortune to be able to receive the Train the Trainer so that we can bring this to you.

It is such crucial information, Diane, and Brittany Barbara does wonderful work around the state for trauma informed care. And this is so crucial for our children and families and professionals to all be successful. So we’re going to dive right on the end. But let me tell you, because I always get ahead of myself, [chuckles] is there is a handout section that you can download, the power point, but then also there are some other handouts that are helpful. If you don’t have time to do that while we’re on the webinar, you will receive them in a follow up email. That Stella Beard, who’s with Kentucky SPIN, is on here helping me today and she is [00:02:00] going to help us. We’ll pause every so often, to see if there are any questions. Please feel free in the chat box to type any questions that you may have.

And we will just go right on in here. But one thing that we want to be aware of, many of us have experienced trauma ourselves. So please be aware that as we go through this, there may be some triggers. If you’ve dealt with certain traumas within your life that are uncomfortable or difficult, and you may not know them until it hits you when you’re going through the training.

So please, or if you’re sensitive to the trauma that others have experienced. So please know it is okay to leave the webinar or to take a break if necessary. We will have this closed caption and recorded and up on our YouTube channel. And we will share the link in the email that we follow up with that you could [00:03:00] access at any time.

But what’s most important is that you feel comfortable. And that you take care of yourself, if you’re having some uncomfortable or difficult responses to what we are talking about.

So when we talk about trauma. Traumatization occurs when both internal and external resources are inadequate to cope with an external threat.

So what occurs is you, are very overwhelmed. And what our senses normally can handle from, you know, having control, connection and meaning in our life. When trauma is occurring and it takes over us, we lose all of those senses. So three concepts that I think are very important that we talk about here with trauma.

And I think it’s important that we read this. I’m not [00:04:00] going to read all the slides to you throughout this. But I do think that it is very key here. The 3E concept of trauma. Individual trauma results from an event or series of events or a set of circumstances that is experienced by an individual as physical or emotional harm or life threatening. And that has lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and mental, physical, social, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing.

And again, too, I want to point out that it’s not just the physical, it could be emotional trauma that you receive over time. You know, many times people tend to think that it’s just physical trauma that is the worst. But many times the emotional trauma that comes along with physically being hurt or emotionally really many times has a lot more of the effect on you, that you will see throughout your life. [00:05:00] I think it’s important too, because this really spoke to me and I’m a visual person, as I went through this, there are changes when you experience severe trauma, there are changes that occur.

So when an abused brain is going to look different than one that is a healthy brain. And if you’ll look down at the bottom, the scale there. Look at how much of the area on the scan is black. Where it is circled on the abuse brain versus the healthy brain. So we are affected in many different ways when the trauma, we go through the trauma.

It’s not just enough to survive the trauma. And the thing that I love about this is bringing attention to, and really an approach that looks at, it’s not just enough to survive the trauma. We also have [00:06:00] to be trauma informed and very aware because those effects last for your whole life. That doesn’t mean that you can’t work through things and accomplish great things.

But we do need to realize that it’s not just enough to survive that trauma that day. And many times, and I’m glad though, that we’re coming to a point, in society that we are recognizing that. And I’m so very proud of all of the efforts, not only for us as adults. Right? So when we were, and I’m quite a bit older, so when we were younger, I mean, you know, and growing up, none of this was ever talked about or ever address.

So now we’re seeing it, not only to where you can think back and Oh, that kinda makes sense, if you’ve experienced something or something that you, someone you’re very close to has. And then it also not only helps us see stuff within ourselves as adults, [00:07:00] it helps us with our children.

Because we are able then to recognize those things that effect them. So I think it’s important here that we go over the three types of stress. So there’s positive, right? So there is good stress. And we all know that, you know, your heart rate, mild elevations, so there’s positive stress. But then there’s like the tolerable stress, right?

So, you know, you could still kind of get through it. But then you have the toxic, which is prolonged activation of stress response system. Meaning you go into that, you know, the absence of the protective things around you, you go into the, most people have heard the fight, flight or freeze mode, right?

So the stress that you experienced there you go, into a different mindset. That [00:08:00] is where the trauma is really gonna affect you. And you know, the more that you are in that. Where you don’t have those protective relationships, that you’re surrounded with and supports their worst that is going to be.

So the types of trauma, most likely to contribute to severe persistent mental health challenges, complex trauma. So, you know, there’s not a psychiatric condition that officially exist stating complex trauma. But the thing is, is it  can cause a lot of psyche, psychological problems. And really drive people into psychiatric care. Many times, and I think that, you know, not only my loved ones, myself and others that are around me, I think the great thing is we have come to a place where more people can get help.

[00:09:00] And, have realized that our mental health is just as important as our physical health. And, the judgment is not there as much. Because I do think that a lot of times, that judgment or that people may think that you’re crazy is, you know, there are reasons behind the way you feel you do. Or the, that you act the way you do.

And not only as adults, but then we can see that within our children, that are our children, or children we are working with. And the more that we are realizing those things. And it’s typically it’s not usually a single event. It will be repeated. And the thing too that, going back to looking at the brain scan too. The longer you have to stay in that, I call it panic, panic mode. And actually once I became an adult and was learning more about different stuff and I’ll be quite honest, not till I went through this [00:10:00] training, the Train the Trainers, I was like, I’m not crazy. There are reasons that I feel the way that I do. There are reasons and there’s actually names to stuff.

Because it’s not politically correct to talk about these things. And my hope is with this and that, all of us approaching this, is that it is okay. And you can get help with different things and there’s reasons you feel the way you do. So it’s not intentional, interpersonal in nature and it’s very severe, repeated.

And again, the longer you go through it, the more effect it is going to have on you. And often it occurs in childhood in adolescence. And it could expand over into the individual’s life. If you think back and a lot of  times, people, you know, if you’ve experienced different things as adults, you may not realize but that [00:11:00] you become a victim in other situations too, in those relationships, because that is what you are used to.

That is what has been your acceptable. How things go. And that is my hope that there are going to be the changes and the help that we give one another so that we can as adults and children and youth know that no, that’s not okay. And there’s other ways to be. And it’s not okay for you to be treated that way.

Now, here I am, again, I love the visual. So when we have the trauma and it occurs in layers. And I just think this is a perfect analogy, thinking of the onion. And then when you see the smiling face over to the right. The thing is, is most of the time, unless someone shares it with you, you’re not going to know. You are not going to know everything that they’ve experienced.

And for many, many people will never know. [00:12:00] There is, one thing that I want to make sure that I do bring up here. And especially when we’re looking at is here. With trauma informed care, it is not that you need to approach it and find out exactly what the trauma they experienced was. Yes, we hope that, you might be, especially if you are trying to help and serving in a different role as a provider to be able to help them for them to share it with you.

But to be trauma informed and to do a trauma informed care approach, it is not, depending on you knowing what trauma they went through. Right. So we’re going to keep it in mind that there are a lot of things that many people are going to go through. You’re not going to be able to tell it. They may be smiling, but when you get down into those layers and each layer, when you go deeper and deeper, is going to be critical because the longer you have experienced that trauma, the more it [00:13:00] is affecting.

And so you are going to have to peel back layer and layer and layer. And I’ll be honest, a lot of it is, you may not realize, I have learned and it and I’m not a doctor, I’m not a therapist. But what I do know is that there are reasons you feel the way you do.

Our mind goes in protective mode. Your mind may have blocked out some of the hardest things to be able to help you to be able to cope. But there are reasons that you do things that you do. And trust those feelings that you get because, you get those feelings for a reason. And you may deal with things in a different way than anyone else does, but that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. But we can all make sure that we’re going to approach everybody, whether they have a smiling face or not, that they could possibly have some [00:14:00] layers of trauma that they have experienced, because we need to take those things into consideration.

And quite honestly, I think if we approached everybody in our life, that way, these days that we had that understanding and that compassion. Again, it’s not to feel sorry for anyone. It is to have a compassion and know that there are reasons things have occurred or the way they are.

So individuals who have experienced the traumatic events, you may see visual signs. You may not at all. Or it may be a mixture of it.

A lot of times with our children or youth, what is going to happen, you are going to see it come out in other ways. But for some of our children and this is important, some of our children who have been so traumatized, will not show it because that is part of their survival mode.

And many times the trauma [00:15:00] that you’ve received, you are protecting others. And not that you should not speak to others, but it’s very complex. So know that, you know, it is part of relationship building as we approach one another, as adults, as working with children and our children.

So, you know, you may not see it but there could be reasons behind the different behaviors that you see. Some effects of it, it changes. Remember we talk about the brain scan that we saw. It changes the brain. It will give you social, emotional and cognitive challenges, and you may see it at different levels. And it may not be that every person it affects in the social, emotional and cognitive.

So it really depends. And again, everybody’s individual. And the thing to also keep in mind too is, remember I said earlier that it’s not that to do this [00:16:00] approach you have to know what trauma everybody’s experienced, right. You don’t have to know that. And it is not for you to decide what is traumatic or not.

Because what I think is traumatic, may not be what you think is traumatic. That’s another key part to this. But if the person feels that it’s traumatic, it was traumatic. So let’s just always keep those things in mind. And really, they’re gonna look at, and many times have very high risk behaviors of coping.

It will come out in different areas, eating disorders, smoking, substance abuse, self- care harm, you know, violence. It can show itself in many ways. And a lot of times, which I am happy though that we are all working towards the more understanding and compassionate society, is that, you know, you’re not doing stuff just to be bad or you’re a bad apple. Because everybody’s a good apple. [00:17:00] Everybody may just need some help with some of the bruises.

So really looking at, you know, again, the more severe the trauma is and the more repeated, it can affect you even more so. Behavioral, physical health, social problems and early death.

Let’s pause here just for a moment to see if there are any questions.

Stella: [00:17:28] Rhonda. I don’t see any questions right now. Just be sure, folks, if you do have a question, feel free to type that in the question box.

Rhonda: [00:17:44] Okay, thank you. Stella.

One of the things here, again, I’m a visual person and I’m sure everybody’s tired of hearing me say that, but, you know, a lot of things that our children or adults [00:18:00] may do, may not make a bit of sense. But I can tell you that I relate to this cartoon completely. But I don’t, I don’t have, you know, I don’t have the duck that I put in the bathtub. But the whole idea of it, there are steps that you do and ways that you do things, you do for a reason.

Right? So. To him, he’s got to get his, before he can take the bath, he’s got to get his duck. You know, and some, you know, the tiger thinks, okay. So that you have somebody with you, you’re not alone. No. To test for sharks.

So see what it may assume, you may assume that it is the reason why somebody has to do something, has nothing to do with the actual reason that they do it.

And, you know, I’m a bit, an unofficially, not diagnosed OCD, but my mom will tell you I’m definitely OCD. There are certain things that I have [00:19:00] to do. And my brother and I joke about it. I have to do things a certain way. Not to be annoying, but it messes me all up. And I have learned that is what helps me in my life.

And a lot of it is each of us learning how to deal with those different things, getting the help. And a lot of times when you went through different trauma, especially more severe trauma, it is so very hard to trust people. You have spent so much time being independent and protective, that you don’t open up easily.

So know that those little things are very key to some people. And what it may look like to you, and especially when we’re working with children or our children may have to do things a certain way. There could be reasons behind that. So I want to bring up now here the ACE study. And I don’t know if any of you all have heard of that or not. But this [00:20:00] was a very important study that, they did, which had 17,000 participants.

And it’s the Adverse Childhood Experiences study, over the lifespan of those participants. So the ones doing it, I think it’s important to know it was a general, middle-class adults with the average age of 57 of their participants. 74% had some college, 44% had graduated.

The participants, the racial background was 80% Caucasian, 10% African American and 10% Asian. And there were males and females equally represented. What they found was, so they call it an ACE score. And what they found was, look at these percentages and especially the women had higher percentages than the men.

But [00:21:00] look at how many and what they, what they would consider, that they recognized and took the survey, that they may have experienced, physical, emotional or sexual abuse. Neglect, emotional or physical. The household dysfunction, divorce, substance abuse, mother treated violently, incarcerated household member and mental illness. So these were some key things that made up the ACE score. And the more that you had in one area, then the higher your ACE score is.

And just as a side note, one of your handouts is about the ACE study. And you can take and find out what your ACE score is. Now. I will just be very honest with you. My scores high, and when I first did mine, I thought, Oh my gosh. Like as had to step back and I thought. Oh, I just, you know, it was, I didn’t [00:22:00] prepare myself that it would be high.

But here’s the thing, and one thing that, and we’re going to talk a little bit about the strengthening family, Stephanie Sikes, if any of you all have had the great pleasure to work with her. She was one of the three who trained me on the strengthening families. And the thing that she shared was that, and it was comforting to me that even some of the most successful people and I’m not talking about just successful means monetary value. Right.

She said that a lot of people who are very successful, have very high ACEs scores. So I don’t want anyone to think or to think if your child has a higher ACE score that that is, you know, going to damage what they can accomplish in life, because it’s not. Because if I’ve learned anything from the different things that I’ve experienced, it is you become very [00:23:00] resilient.

Because you don’t have a choice. So you can get through things that most people can’t. So know that, when you take this, if your ACE score is high, please don’t let that shock you or, to worry you. Because part of it is knowing and then we’re like, okay, all right. So now we kind of understand it. Or if your child’s is or anyone that you’re working with, that just means that there may be some things that we need to take into consideration. But that’s not going to determine your success in your future for yourself or your child.

So what they found was the higher the ACE scores, right earlier death occurred. So as you move up, so you’ve got your adverse childhood experiences that disrupt your neural development, and then it gives you the social, emotional and cognitive impairment. [00:24:00] Adoption of high risk behaviors that many may experience. And then they saw that a great deal had different disease, disability, and social problems and lead to early death.

So those things are important to know. And, so here’s the chart too. And especially with looking at alcoholism. Many times, and from that serving and we’ve saw not only just from the survey and these results, that many years ago, this was done.

So it’s took a long time to get to where everybody is working to be trauma informed. So there’s more of a likelihood, the higher your ACE score, that you will have trouble with alcoholism. Now that doesn’t mean that determined you will. But let’s keep in mind that that is a higher risk that you run, the higher your ACE score is.

[00:25:00] So here is where I want to stop just for a moment to see if there are any questions before we dive right on into this.

Stella: [00:25:10] No questions right now, Rhonda, you’re doing great. Everybody, the only comments people are making is that it’s a wonderful training.

Rhonda: [00:25:17] Oh, thank you so much.

So here’s where, you know, imagine a place, and I always joke sometimes because I don’t live in Ronda’s dream world. Right. I live in the same world that can be very cruel. But also can be very wonderful and delightful.

My dream is that we all approach everything, not only with, in the work we do, in social settings, isn’t, you know, what’s wrong with you? What happened to you? That is a huge shift. And I’m seeing it make its way and it is so heartwarming. Although it is very hard in the times that we’re living in right now, [00:26:00] because there is a great deal that we need to do to make sure that everyone is valued and respected.

And all of us to do our part. So, you know, understanding that the trauma can be re-triggered. It may not make sense to you at all. I have found myself and it might be the silliest situations. Or, I mean, I may deal with and go through some of the most complex, hardest things that I’ve handled.

Nothing bothers me. But I’m telling you it’s little things that I don’t know why it will just cause me just to freeze and just to go in a panic. And I know that that is from actually experience in different things. And a commitment to support the healing process. And so that no more harms done, so that there is not that risky behavior that you’re involved in. And that we’re all approaching one another in, how can we help one another [00:27:00] versus you’re the bad apple. So, or, you know, what is wrong with you? Why can’t you straighten up? Why can’t you act right? Or, this doesn’t make any sense.

So my hope is that we are going to get to that. And so, what we’re looking at here is the shift, the approach. Using purposeful vision of a safe environment and to me, because especially if you’ve experienced any type of trauma, the safety is so huge that it is, not only just thinking physically safe, right? Think of it as mentally safe as well. The nonjudgmental. I cannot stress the nonjudgmental.  Because the more, every day that I live, the more I see that a lot of things, the less judgment we would have on one another, we would all be in a much better place.

[00:28:00] And then when we are helping one, another helping our children, is that we are sensitive to that. Right? So again, it’s not an excuse. And let me be very clear, you do not need to feel sorry for anyone because that’s not going to help. But being sensitive and aware of that they could have, whether you know or not, went through something that is traumatic.

And if we approach everyone in our life with a compassionate lens, it is going to help us all just live better, successful lives. And set our children up to be successful as well.

So one of the things too, is services delivered in a way that won’t re-traumatize right. And here’s the thing that’s hard because then you’re like, I don’t know what to do because, what if I do this and that’s wrong. And what if I trigger them and I didn’t mean to.

Because if you’re like me, [00:29:00] I’m an overthinker. You know, when you try to do the best, not only for your child or for any child that you’re interacting with or youth or adult. But you don’t know. Here’s the thing is there’s no magical formula to know, right.

Because everybody’s triggers going to be different. And everybody’s trauma is going to affect them differently. There’s no way to know, but if we get to where we are thinking of those things, and the way we approach one and other is in a way that they could have experienced trauma, then you can try to help them kind of go through things.

And take, here’s one thing that I found is, take cues from them. Right. So if they shut down, all of a sudden on you, that is going to be a key indicator to you [00:30:00] that the road that you’re heading down is not going to be effective with them. Right. So in our behaviors, just like great communication skills, is being able to read body language. Openness of people.

So, you know, and you know, you can tell if someone’s happy or sad. Now, some you can’t read because they have had to get really good at not letting anyone be able to read what they’re thinking or what’s going on. And that’s sort of their protective way of really handling everything. So, but take those cues.

You know, build that. Being honest, and really looking at that. We’re not here to know and be able to solve everything and being very honest with ourselves, as well as others.

This big shift that I’m loving and it, and it’s just, it makes me so hopeful for all of us [00:31:00] together is that we’re seeing the symptoms as behaviors from not only just wanting to do bad. But this is a way that they’re having to deal with things. And looking at things from a strength based, right. So we know, regardless if it is with trauma informed care, with our children doing schoolwork, with you doing your work.

Think of it this way, you use your strategies, I do this every day, I use my strengths to compensate for my weaknesses all the time. What is key for this in helping them is, use their strengths, make sure that it’s not their weakness, that you’re tapping into. Use those strengths to reach them and help them with the areas that they’re struggling with.

Resiliency oriented. You know, we become, and our children become very resilient. And it’s not that you set [00:32:00] out a plan to become resilient. Because many times, and not only in my life, but those of other families and others who have shared with me is, you know, you don’t, as I said earlier, you don’t have a choice. You become resilient. It is survival of the fittest, right.

And especially dependent upon the trauma that you went through. And if in fact that trauma also, you’re not only protecting yourself, you are trying to protect those that you love the most. So, but there are things that we know about traits of resiliency that can help us because the more we are all resilient, and use our strengths and take into mind that there are all of these different traumas that we had maybe experienced.

When we approach one another from that way, the what’s wrong with you, not doing that, but what happened to you? It’s huge. And I know it may seem so simple, but it’s really [00:33:00] not. Because once we look at it from that lens, you’re going to be able to see things from a whole new level.

I’m going to pause just for a moment, just to see if there are any questions.

Stella: [00:33:16] I do have some questions, Rhonda, or a question. It says, how do we, as adults that have experienced trauma, help raise children and care with similar traumas without being triggered by their trauma or passing down our own unhealthy coping skills? Such as things you spoke of, as suppressing it.

Rhonda: [00:33:42] That is a very important question and I don’t have the cure all for that. But I will tell you and share with you that I have worried about that and experienced that myself because you know, you only want the best for your children. And I have found that it is a daily struggle. [00:34:00] Because I do not have, you know, all of the best habits in the world.

And I don’t want my child to be effected that way as well. You know, I used to think years ago, because I can’t remember if I told you at the beginning of the presentation or not, I foster adopted my son, who is the greatest gift of my life. One of the things that I worried about was, and because I am, you know, the things that I’ve been through, I worried is more so about, am I going to be able to be the best mom? And I want to, because you know, you love your child more than anything in this world. And I worried so much about, and different things that they would go through emotionally, and I saw other families and they’ve shared with me. I tell you one thing that my mom said to me that really helped me. And again, I’m not a doctor or a therapist. It would be very advised to speak [00:35:00] with someone about that.

But one thing that greatly helped me because I had a, you know, and I’ve had moments, you know, all parents do feeling overwhelmed. But I had a worry that I wasn’t going to be doing the best for my son, him getting the best mom, you know, because there would be different behaviors, and being very upset. And, you know, I told my mom and she said, but Rhonda, you’re the best person because he shows those to you because he trusts you so much.

So the thing about it is, is then I saw it from a different lens. Is that no, I don’t give the best examples all the time, but now being more aware of it, you actually, you do things being aware of that things you’ve lived through and the trauma they’ve been through, without even thinking about it.

So really just keeping in mind. All that you can do [00:36:00] just to try to make sure that we do instill those in it. But also it would be great for them to be able to see you, to be able to do different things and coping things in a healthy way and modeling them for them.

But know that, I completely, I could’ve wrote that out myself. But know that you’re not alone because that is a worry. And especially as a parent, you worry about that so much because you want only the best for your child. But you are doing great and there are going to be the things that are going to affect us, but the more we’re aware of it and really try to model those more positive coping mechanisms to get through what we’ve dealt with, our children will pick up on that. And that will help them as they deal with it.

Are there any other questions Stella?

Stella: [00:36:55] Someone asked about support groups to help adults with past trauma. And I [00:37:00] told them that we would, reach out and see if we can send some information in the followup email we send.

Rhonda: [00:37:06] Yes. And I don’t know, that there, and that’s why, and great Stella and thank you for sharing that, is that there are specific to trauma. I do know that there is NAMI, the Kentucky National, I can’t think of the whole acronym, Mental Illness, they do have, especially right now, tons of meetings that are happening throughout the state, virtually support groups.

That might be, something that might be of interest too. And I’ll make sure that Stella has that list of those. Because I do know that they are having those virtual support groups. But we’ll also check to see if there’s more specific trauma informed care support groups as well.

Is there anything else Stella?

Stella: [00:37:53] And I was just going to add to that, you know, we do know of a lot of organizations that are doing parent [00:38:00] cafes. So we’ll try to get that information out to folks too. When we send a follow up email.

Rhonda: [00:38:07] Wonderful. Thank you so much, Stella.

Well, what we’re going to do here is just now when, sorry. So the trauma care approach. The realize, recognize, respond and resist re-traumatization, right. So we realize it. So it’s not just enough to realize it. You recognize it, but you’ve got to put things into action. And I think sometimes things can seem so overwhelming. Like how are we going to do this?

Take it step by step. Because once you start looking through that lens, right. And make a commitment with yourself and I found the more that I do this, regardless of the situation. Anybody that I’m working with, that I’m interacting [00:39:00] with, regardless if it’s with work, with my family, with strangers at the grocery store, as long as you keep in mind, those things. And that in the back of your mind you approach it with compassion and that we don’t know what that person.

Remember think of it as your onion. Right? You may see that smiling face, but you have no idea how many layers are in that onion. And where the experiences and the trauma that they could have received at the different layers.

So starting with that step to where it is one step at a time. Once we get our mind to that, not only realized recognized, respond. So we’re changing the way we approach people, which in general, this is a win win. Especially today that, you know, we need to make sure that we are being good to all people, regardless.

This is going to [00:40:00] help put it into a compassionate lens, a nonjudgmental, compassionate lens that we so desperately need. So really, and resist the re-traumatization. Again, you can’t know everybody’s triggers. There’s no way to know all that, but if you put into practice different, if it’s your work policies or procedures or working with your family or your child, different steps that you take.

If you know that, one of the things I’ll share with you that I’ve noticed, my son’s a teenager now. And he’s over six foot, so [laughs] that’s my baby. But I have noticed that the thing that he will do, and I think he realizes that this helps me too, especially if there’s things that I’m stressed about or worried about. He comes up and you know, how teens are, but he comes up behind me and gives me a hug.

[00:41:00] Right. He knows that I’m not a hugger and I’m not like that. When I see people there, I’m very selective. But he does it in such a way, in a loving way that, especially when he was younger, one of the things when he would be so upset is I would hold him tight and he felt secure. Right. So without even thinking, that’s one of the things, now as a teen, that he does. And it really helps me. And see how we can help one another picking up on those cues.

And I’m sure we’ve both done those different things without even thinking about it. Right. But once we know that people have experienced different things that he knows that when I’m approached from, you know, head on,  that I have issues with that. Right. And we’ve never even talked about I have this. But he knows me that well, just like I know him [00:42:00] that well.

So little things like that pick up on those signs of people, you know, even if it’s somebody you walk past. I am probably the most, what would you call it, awkward person when he comes to, I mean, I just I cant lie to myself, I am very awkward about stuff. Cause you know, there’s always those moments, you know, where I’m like, I’m thinking in my head, Oh God, they’re gonna hug me. And not that I don’t love people. I do. I really do, but I have personal space issues. So I keep thinking, I always put my hand out to shake the hands, or I may walk to the other side in avoidance. Right.

And I do that and I didn’t start realizing till maybe like a year or two ago. I’m like, Oh, my gosh, people must think I’m awful., but that is my coping mechanism. That is what helps me feel more comfortable. I can’t feel trapped. So knowing those things and picking up on those signs [00:43:00] with our children, with adults that we work with, because many times you’re not going to get it in words coming out of them. You know, so really approaching it from this, trying our best not to re-traumatize. And, you know, sometimes you’re not going to know. And I’m not saying I’m the best at it because I’m sure there are people that I have affected that I meant no intention of doing, but I didn’t know what their triggers are.

So, but keep those things in the back of your mind and really pay attention to people because behaviors are telling. And there’s reasons that they do the things they do. Now, the principles, again, safety number one. Right there is because when you deal with trauma, you do not have that sense of safety at all.

And trustworthiness and transparency. This is key. Just be flat out honest, if you don’t [00:44:00] know, and I’ll tell you there’s a lot, I don’t know. And I’m not an expert on this. I know what I’ve lived, and I know working with families and how, and being a mom and within my family, the things that everyone may have experienced.

But being able to trust someone and be very clear that it is safe and that everything’s at the forefront, right? There’s nothing being hidden. That’s key, especially for someone who’s been traumatized greatly.

Peer support, having someone to talk to it is critical to be able to have people who can relate. I will tell you, I am very helpful, well, I try to be very helpful for I’m a fixer, right? So that is, that’s how I approach everything. Right. So I’m very good at keying in on things and trying to fix things with people. [00:45:00] I’m very bad at asking for help. I’m just going to put it out there.

And I’m very aware of that also about it. Or taking the time, the self-care things. There’s a lot of things, that you really need to do. But having someone you can open up to and talk to that’s nonjudgmental. That’s going to be crucial too.

One of the things that, that I have found, and we started doing this, we’ve always had staff meetings, you know at work. But we purposely, since all of this happened with Covid, we have purposefully at least once a week all gone on it. And we joke sometimes it’s our therapy session. We talk about work, but we also, what is just as crucial, is our mental health, right? As we go through this, as we’re helping other families, we need to make sure that we are, that we’re taking care of ourselves. And from what I have found, and the perfect example of the [00:46:00] question that was written, right, is most people who are in this field, regardless of the job that you may have, or if you’re on here as a parent, the parent, and you know, fostering children.

The work that you do, the majority of the people, a lot of them have been traumatized. And may have higher ACEs scores, because we tend to lean towards helping others. Because we have experienced things that we want to be able to help people, first of all, not have to experience, but help them through it. So we need to really keep that in mind too, is not only as parents, when we’re working with professionals, when providers. We don’t know what trauma they’ve experienced. So anybody, again, I go back to, we keep this in mind, everybody that we are having interactions with, whether it be a child, a youth and adult.

Keep these things in mind and [00:47:00] collaboration working together. That’s that is the key. Regardless if you’re the person that was traumatized or if you were the other person., because when there is that trustworthiness, transparency equal playing field, you’re not judging me, like you are above me. And having that to where it is very safe is going to be key to the approach as well.

Empowerment and voice and choice. Only in the last several years have I, even, she hears her said, or would have ever even mentioned that I had trauma. Because you know, it’s not one of those things, again, I don’t tell what it was because again, that that’s my business. But the thing is, is really empowering one another. And the more that I saw that it wasn’t just me.

And that a lot of [00:48:00] people deal with this. It was very comforting. With that, you know, thinking of that peer support. But, you know, looking at cultural, historical, gender issues, you know, looking at all of that, when you approach it, having that lens of the trauma informed care is going to be key for all of us.

Some things to consider. You know how your behavior is going to impact others. Right. So, you know, this goes back to the what’s wrong with you versus the, what happened to you? So if you’re setting the stage of that or the judgmental or that you just think it’s nonsense or that’s you may feel that that’s not trauma.

Again, those are all negative things that are not going to help the situation. Because again, it’s not up to you to know what the trauma was. It’s not up to you to judge if that was traumatic or not. The thing that is important, there is [00:49:00] we can only be accountable for our own behavior, right? So once we have this trauma informed care approach, we make a commitment to ourselves that we are going to think of these things and put these things into practice.

Then, you know what you’re going to find. You’re going to find a ripple effect. And every one is, and I know I may be dreaming, [chuckles] but I do see one day where everyone is really approaching things from this way. I have to have hope with that. And being very sensitive of how things and the environment can remind people.

Again, I’m the kind of person, I’m the one if we go somewhere, I want to be seated closest to the door and not where someone is blocking me. Right. I do that automatically because I have to feel that I’m not trapped. So I don’t, I don’t go in and say, Oh no, I’ve got to sit here because I feel trapped. You know, and people who know [00:50:00] me better know I’ve got to have my personal space. But knowing those things and in your environment, making sure there are those opportunities to where maybe if you’re holding a meeting or everybody’s getting together, make sure you pick a spot where it’s open. That it is open in areas, safe, simple things like that can make a world of difference. And I know that may sound silly, but it really will.

Prepare for reactions to change. Think of it in your mind, because we don’t know what people’s triggers are, is prepare yourself.

Don’t get, and it’s hard to do this because we’re human. Right. So we’ve got to keep all these things in mind. Don’t get offended, if someone’s reaction, it’s not negative to you. Like, right, so let’s use the example of, I’m not a hugger. And I think it’s very hard, especially being a woman because most people are okay with me and doing that, right.

Because that’s an acceptable [00:51:00] behavior. Most people are not okay with women not being open and huggy, right. So people get offended and it has nothing to do with them. But just keep those little things in mind. And I know that it’s just one simple example.

But making sure that you remain calm when others get agitated. And it’s very hard, especially if it is something you are very dear and it is very dear to you and emotional for you too.

And you know what? The last thing here. Mistakes happen. Y’all I can’t tell you how many mistakes I make in a day. I try my best to do right, but I make them all the time. But keep things in perspective because I have to remind myself, I’ll see the whole list of everything that maybe, you know, the mistake I made or I should have approached it from this way.

But here’s the key. And this is what my brother says all the time, you know? But when you learn from it, [00:52:00] next time and not approach it in that manner. Right and think of it, big picture.

So we’re not going to always be able, and I think that’s why sometimes people are so overwhelmed by trauma informed care, is because it is not you have to make every right move. We’re human. You’re never going to be able to make every right thing.

But as long as you’re trying your best and taking things into consideration and learning from your missteps, then we’re going to be in a much better place.

So building the resiliency. Again, many who had become resilient, there wasn’t an option. Don’t go it alone. This is huge. And this is where this is, I’m just, this is where I’m not good. I’m not good. I’m trying to get better with age. And I’ve actually come a ways. You’d be surprised.

And take action. Do something. [00:53:00] Focus on the things, you know, that you have control over. Because I do have the hardest time with the things that I have no control over and they replay in my mind. And the things that worry me greatly, I have to stop myself and say, okay, you can’t fix that, but what can you do? So change that conversation in your mind to what can we do.

Advocate for whether it be advocating on behalf of your child, especially if there has been trauma that has occurred. Making sure that, you know, everyone that you’re working with, that we are taking this approach, letting people know about this approach. And within our work that we do make sure that this is in some of the policies, that it’ll help to reduce child maltreatment in Kentucky, you know, is one of, it’s the highest here.

Keep things in perspective again, big picture. Okay.

Now. Get help [00:54:00] for your own traumas. And this is hard, but you need to be able to do that and there is nothing wrong. And actually it’s one of the bravest things that you could do, is to seek the help. Attend to self-care again, not real good at that. Really good at taking care of others. Not really good at the self-care.

And set goals. And remain hopeful. That is what keeps me going every day, because I do see a silver lining and I know we have the capability to get to where we all look at one another with compassion, non-judgment, we value one another and we have open minds and hearts.

So, when you think of this, there are different ways that you can look at growing resilient communities. It’s all a part. So just as I’m talking about, in every area of your life, whether it be your work, your family, anybody. All of it plays a part, right? [00:55:00] Because you’re dealing with people everywhere, right?

Educate, engage, active, celebrate. Take those moments, to really, my son has helped me to where I just stop, and I’m like, just take a moment to be happy. We get so overwhelmed about everything, that we need those moments to celebrate. Crucial, very crucial. And I have learned that, you know, laughter has helped me get through some of the darkest times of my life.

So being able to laugh and that it’s okay. We’re going to be okay.

Now one of the things that trauma is, a pervasive issue. Most individuals who we interact with daily have been exposed to it. And had the adverse effects. But making sure that we all are again trauma-informed and we understand and commit, then we’re going to do our best to take these things into consideration. And try not to [00:56:00] re-traumatize, but then honestly put a focus on making a change everywhere that we can. Right.

And spreading that. Because again, like what we talked about earlier is. People are going to model that behavior. Model that acceptance. Model that open heart. Model that compassion. Because it can catch just as much as the judgment does.

So let’s make a commitment to one another, because we can only affect our actions. Right? But that doesn’t mean that we can’t advocate and approach it from a way to where we’re going to make a difference for a lot of people. And responding to individual trauma in a manner that is crucial for their overall health.

And it must be a priority, especially if you are aware of it., doing all, we can to help one another and try to get the help they need. So, you know, a lot of, things here.

And I think that this is important. There are difficult, hostile, [00:57:00] touchy and uncooperative or labels used by many people to describe people that have been exposed to trauma.

What if we saw them instead is frightened, struggling to cope, confused, abandoned, and dealing with the effects of extreme stress. Imagine the change, our response to their behavior would be.

So, I want to just kind of leave you all with, there’s a great deal of resources and you will have the PDF that you can access, that all of this is through. But it is very crucial, and I want everybody to know that you’re not alone. And seek the help if you need it. Because it is very crucial, because the majority of us that are on here are probably going to be ones that have experienced different things throughout our life. Because how people who lived through certain things end up being the helpers.

And we gravitate towards, because we want to help others. So please know that you’re loved and appreciated.

I want to see just for a moment, if there are any [00:58:00] questions, Stella?

Stella: [00:58:03] I don’t see any questions. Some folks are just saying this has been very informative. Thank you. So lots of great feedback. So, but I don’t see any specific questions right now unless they come in here in just a minute.

Rhonda: [00:58:18] Okay. Thank you so much. And I do want to be, conscious of the time here. Because we do value your time and so grateful that you all joined us. We’ll also share upcoming other webinars that we’ll have. And we will have this sometime next week up on our YouTube channel on our website, close captions so that you could access it at any time.

We’ll follow up with an email. With all of the information, the handouts, and thank you all so much for joining us today.

Stay safe and have a great day. Bye bye.