Presents Connect the Dots Overview

– [Stella] Well, thank you all so much for joining us today. We really appreciate it. My name is Stella Beard, and I’m the assistant director for Kentucky SPIN. And we’re happy you’ve joined our webinar today. We have Kellie Smith with us, who is also from Kentucky SPIN. She is our training coordinator. She will be doing the presentation today. I just wanted to go over a little bit of housekeeping before we get started. You have a chat box that you can type questions in. And I will be looking at those questions throughout the presentation and giving those to Kellie so that she can answer them for you. So please be sure and utilize that question box. Also, we have handouts that we have provided for you that you can download. But just to let you know, I will be sending a follow-up email to everyone, along with all of the handouts. So if you don’t get a chance to download them while you’re on the call today, that is totally fine. Also, in the chat box, I have given you a little bit of information about our webinar that we have scheduled for next Tuesday, May the 5th, at 11. We are doing weekly COVID-19 updates that have something to do, anything to do with children and adults with intellectual developmental disabilities. We have Natalie Hayden, who will be joining us from the Education and Workforce Development Cabinet, and she will be talking about unemployment insurance for people with disabilities. So that’ll be a really great webinar for you to hop on. And I’ve sent that link of how you could register for that in the chat box. Also, I’ve also sent a link to all our, a flyer for all of our upcoming webinars that we are doing through June. We have a lot of wonderful webinars scheduled right now that I think will be very beneficial to you, and that flyer is in the chat box, a link to that flyer. I will also send it you via email. So we’re gonna get started. I wanna tell ya a little bit about Kentucky SPIN. We are the Special Parent Involvement Network. We are the Parent Training and Information Center for the state of Kentucky. We are funded by the U.S. Department of Education under IDEA, and we have been the Parent Training and Information Center since 1988, so for 30 years. We work with families who have kids with disabilities, birth through age 26. Also, we do not act as attorneys. And I think this is really important to stress. But what we do is we effectively empower families in order for them to advocate for their children. We provide peer support to help families access the needed information and resources, and we lend a listening ear. All our consultants and our staff are either parents who have a child or an adult with an intellectual developmental disability, have a disability themself or they are a family member. So just wanted to get started and let you know that, just a little bit more about Kentucky SPIN. We are family-driven. We are a nonprofit 501 . And so before we get started now, I just wanted to make sure everyone understood that you can type questions in the box if you would like. And I will be reaching out to Kellie throughout the presentation and asking those questions to her. So, Kellie, are you ready to get started? [Kellie] I’m ready. Well, good morning, everybody. Thank you, again, for joining us. So I wanna tell ya a little bit about Connect the Dots in case you’re not familiar with it. Connect the Dots is a joint collaboration between multiple early education and mental health professionals, as well as families across Kentucky. The collaboration was built to address a common need, which is the need for concise, yet high-impact, skills-based training for providers and parents teaching the basics of social and emotional best practices. We’re not suggesting that this training is a substitution for more intense knowledge and skills based on social and emotional trainings available. This training serves as a resource for providers and parents when these trainings are not feasible or as a social and emotional foundation before pursuing those more in-depth trainings. As a best practice, we recommend using Connect the Dots as a baseline training with other social and emotional trainings as a followup or as a review for seasoned staff needing a little social and emotional refresher. So in essence, Connect the Dots summarizes social and emotional best practices into four easy-to-remember steps. Connect the Dots emphasizes real-life application and includes high-impact visual aides as reminders. So let’s get started. Connect the Dots supports the Kentucky Strengthening Families movement. Kentucky Strengthening Families is a statewide movement that improves outcomes for young children and families. Kentucky Strengthening Families is a statewide movement that improves outcomes for young, that improves outcomes for young children and families. So I just said that. Our goal is for all families to incorporate protective factors, which are the opposite of risk factors, in their home. Research suggests that families in all walks of life improve their chance for success in their ability to cope with stress when protective factors are present. Research shows that when these six protective factors are present, regardless of the number of risk factors present in the home, the likelihood of child maltreatment greatly reduces. And in exchange, the rate of school readiness, children reaching optimal development and the strength of the family unit increases. Kentucky Strengthening Families is simply being intentional about naming these six protective factors and showing how different organizations and trainings across Kentucky support these six protective factors for the families we serve. Specifically, this training supports two of the six protective factors. That’s social and emotional competence of children, or helping families teach children how to have healthy relationships, and nurturing and attachment, or helping families ensure children feel loved and safe. If you would like resources on Kentucky Strengthening Families or the other protective factors, feel free to reach out to us after this overview. And I would really like to insert that after I took the Strengthening Families training and started learning about adverse childhood experiences and then took the Connect the Dots training, it literally has changed my life. It has changed the way I look at all relationships with everyone, not just children. These principles can be applied to every walk of life. The objectives for the Connect the Dots training are, we’re going to learn all four dots, or more specifically, the first dot is ensuring supportive environment. We’ll learn how to identify predictable schedules, organize routines and transitions, and age-appropriate physical environment improves child behaviors. The second dot is encourage positive behaviors. We will discuss using proven skills to help the child link positive behaviors to positive experiences and feelings. And the third dot is emphasizing positive discipline. At the conclusion of this dot, you’re gonna be able to demonstrate at least two positive discipline techniques that will teach children how to handle their feelings and needs in appropriate ways. And then the fourth dot is embrace unique strengths. We’ll identify how unique temperament and personality strengths have a critical impact on behavior and relationships. To get the most out of this training, you will really need to challenge yourself to think about a hot button behavior that you would love to see less of. You’ll want to be as specific on the time of the child and the circumstance as possible. For example, Tracy throwing a fit right before nap time, or Sarah biting someone when she wants a turn. We’ll then begin to strategize how you will reenter your classroom or you home, calm and decisive because you took this training. You’ll write the challenging behavior on a red button that will be provided to you during the training. This is the behavior or situation that you’re going to solve by connecting the dots. And so why are these our hot buttons? Because of how they make us feel. Walk through the usual process of emotions as we react to a challenging behavior or situation. First, we might be like this lady. We may be comforting and patient. And then if the child doesn’t stop that behavior, we may move on to feeling bewildered or frustrated, or if we’re out in public, we might be really embarrassed. And then the behavior still doesn’t stop, we maybe become angry and resentful. And then eventually, we probably feel defeated and we just say, “Go ahead, I give up. “It’s not worth making a scene. “It isn’t worth the fight.” Dr. Phelan with 1-2-3 Magic refers to this as a B.A.D. response. So we’re going to end these B.A.D. responses and learn how to have more prepared, empathetic and calm responses. So we’re gonna go from being bewildered to being prepared with options and ready to go. Then we’re gonna go from being agitated to being empathetic, calm and decisive. And then finally, rather then defaulting to pleading, we’re going to have meaningful, teachable moments. Our gut reaction to stop behavior and stop it fast, our gut reaction is to stop behavior and stop it fast, but this training is not a quick fix to the challenging behaviors, but it’s about adding a little more meat to what we’re already seeing so we can help that child find more appropriate ways to manage feelings and the world around them. So this training is about connecting the dots, or said in another way, we aren’t learning how to make a roomful of good little soldiers, but rather, we’re teaching children how to handle stress and discomfort in healthy ways so they can go on to be strong and self-assured. We want our children to be people who can think for themselves, who can weigh right and wrong choices, and have a sense of confidence when met with new challenges. Challenging behaviors cannot be, quote, unquote, cured, with a magic wand. Just as there is no healthy trick to losing 20 pounds in a week, there is no magic wand for making a two year old mind by Friday. There are some surefire ways to get children to do what you say and stop behaviors in their tracks. Yes, that’s true. But these aren’t the same responses that help children enter their first day of kindergarten feeling confident, excited to make new friends and ready to learn. You’re gonna be able to leave to Connect the Dots training prepared to respond, rather than react, to challenging behaviors, but you’re not going to learn an overnight crash diet for eliminating tough behaviors. You’ll leave with new tools and a deeper understanding of challenging behaviors which will replace your current frustrations with feelings of preparation, empathy and calmness, but that does sound magical. So let’s talk about the brain in early childhood. Challenging behaviors strike because lots of connections are being formed during the ages of two to five, which most of us already know. And we know that that has an impact on the adults in the children’s lives. So we call this the time when lots of lids are flipping. So here’s why. This is an image that shows synapses, or neural connections, beginning from birth, peaking around six years old. And then the pruning process starts about 14. So a simple way to think about this is to think about a GPS. These connections can be thought of as pathways or roadways from one part of the brain to the other. For example, if you have never driven to a certain place out in the country before, you may rely very heavily on your GPS to guide you the first time. You may even take a wrong road with your GPS. [Stella] Kellie, I’m gonna interrupt you just a second. [Kellie] Sure. [Stella] For some reason, I’m not sure, but I think we’re having some technical difficulties with the audio. So I’m just checking with everyone really quick to make sure that everyone can hear now. So let me send a message out. [Kellie] Okay. [Stella] And it looks like I’m getting some responses now saying that they can hear. I just wanted to make sure because I was a little concerned. I was getting some comments that people were saying they couldn’t hear, so I don’t want you to continue. But I’m getting replies saying they can hear. [Kellie] Okay, good. [Stella] Go ahead, then, and proceed. Thank you. [Kellie] Okay. So even with your GPS, you may still have taken a wrong road or two. The next time you go, you still are going to rely on that GPS, probably, but you’ll start to gain a little more confidence, especially if your first trip wasn’t too long ago. And maybe the second time, you don’t take any wrong turns. But by the fourth or fifth time, you can probably get there pretty easy without a GPS because that path from point A to point B has now been solidified in your mind. With that same analogy, consider a child who is trying to figure out the emotion, frustration. So you are the GPS guiding them from frustration to calm, from point A to point B. The more often they master that path, the more ingrained it becomes and the less likely that they are going to need to rely on you to be their GPS. So now what happens from ages six to 14 years old? One of two things. You drive the road a hundred times a month and it becomes forever ingrained in your mind, or what if you never drive that road again? Four years from now, you need to remember those directions. The more often you drove the path in the first place, the more likely you are to recall the steps from point A to point B. Your brain then prunes information it doesn’t need to make pathways you do need more efficient. Likewise, the more often we practice, model and support correct ways to handle emotions, like frustration, the stronger the connections between point A and point B become. So we’re seeing lots of changes in behavior between two and five years. Stella, go back one slide, please. We’re seeing lots of behaviors between ages two and five because these connections are being created at a really rapid pace. As children are making sense of things, the literal architecture of the brain is being built. Therefore, as the adult in a meltdown moment, remember that you are literally building their brain and these pathways for future learning to build upon, so no pressure there. Another example is the Disney movie “Inside Out,” if any of you have seen that. “Inside Out” is a great visual reference for what’s happening in the brain. So you’re getting rid of the gray balls of in her memory bank, that’s the pruning process. She stores core memories based on emotions, early childhood islands being replaced with adolescent and more complex emotions at around age 11. Okay, you can go to the next slide. So we’re gonna talk about the upstairs brain and the downstairs brain. So imagine your hand, and obviously I’m not in front of you to do this, so just think of your hand as your brain. And so we’re gonna talk about connecting our upstairs brain to our downstairs brain. Your downstairs brain, which is down near your wrist, that’s where your survival mode is. That’s your am I safe? That’s your fight, flight and freeze brain. And then your midbrain, that is your connection brain, that’s your emotions. So how do you feel? What has the past taught me? And how can I belong? And then the top part of your brain in the front is what should I do? What are my options? What needs I change? So that’s your problem-solving brain. So we move from downstairs, the am I safe, to flight, fight or freeze brain to the upstairs using social and emotional skills. So an example for that would be you’re almost in a car crash. Let’s say you’re driving 65 miles an hour on the interstate, and the person in front of you slams on their breaks, causing you to swerve onto the shoulder. Traffic’s going everywhere. What happens? The first thing that happens is you probably have a huge surge in adrenaline, making your heart pound. You might gasp or hold your breath. You may throw both hands on the wheel and slam on your brakes. Your brain doesn’t care what you were thinking about, it doesn’t care what’s for dinner. It hijacks every thought and pathway, and throws you into full-on survival mode. So then you move on to step two, which is your midbrain, your connection brain. So after a few minutes, you realize all is well. You’re okay. You’re taking some deep breaths. You’re looking around to see where your cellphone flew. You might be saying some bad words. You might even want to call someone and tell them about it. Or maybe you got so worked up that you started to cry a little bit, especially if ya have kids in the car. The second step, again, is our emotional state of our brain kicking in. Part of calming down is remembering that this doesn’t happen all the time and regrounding yourself. And then sometimes, we may even want to call someone that we feel emotionally connected to so that we can continue to calm down. So then step three. After you get off the phone with your friend, who agrees that people can’t drive, you become the most cautious driver that there ever was. You reenter the highway, you turn on your signal, you’ve got your hands at 10 and two. You sit there for quite a while, waiting to make sure that it’s clear before you even think about getting back out on the road. So that’s your final step, that’s your problem-solving brain. Making sense of what just happened and creating a solution and getting ready to move forward. So that’s where we’re getting our kids to. We’re getting them, in the midst of their behaviors, from the downstairs brain, or survival mode, to problem-solving. Another way to conceptualize this lid flipping brain process is to consider the brain like, again, upstairs, downstairs of a house. So in that, the downstairs is our survival mode, just like I said before, and the upstairs is the problem-solving and social and emotional wellness. Our emotional midbrain could be thought of as a baby gate, separating the downstairs and the upstairs. For neurotypically developing children, this upstairs thinking isn’t available until around age two. From age two to five, it’s under heavy construction. Next, around age 14, there is a massive remodel, if you will, of the upstairs. And the final construction isn’t complete until around the mid-20s. So isn’t it interesting that we typically see the most challenging behaviors between the ages two and five, and then again in the early teen years. So I know everyone’s at home, but I would like for you to read this along with me. My job is to recognize difficult behavior as a child is telling me he or she needs social and emotional skills to solve problems. It’s about coaching, not controlling. And for many of us, that is not how we’re used to living life. We want to tell our kids to stop and behave, rather than coaching them how to react. You can move to the next slide, Stella. You are safe. You are loved. You have choices. And you have strengths. So how do we help them move from survival to problem-solving, and even help this pattern stick? We connect the upstairs to downstairs by helping a child connect the dots. The more we help children develop positive mindfulness during these moments of panic, the stronger their internal self-talk becomes, and the less they rely on us as their coach. Making it stick with you have strength. When we tell kids they’re kind, unique and brave, we’re helping build their confidence and independence. This also helps them begin seeing themselves as an individual from you and realizing that they have skills within to walk though this problem-solving alone. By identifying and reinforcing their unique strengths, you help the pattern continue and become ingrained into who they are and how they respond to situations in the future. “You are frustrated when she broke your tower, “and now you’re rebuilding it together as a team. “She is your friend and didn’t mean “to break your tower. “It was a wonderful choice to tell her “you were upset and to ask for help. “I’m proud of your hard work.” So by closing this experience, as a kid knocking over another kid’s tower or breaking it, with such a powerful narrative on what happened, the child will soon skip past survival mode when the tower gets knocked over. For some children, this process is long and dramatic, and for others, it’s quick and subtle. We need to think and respond in this way. We respond to what the child needs to learn and what is underneath this behavior, not just responding to the behavior. So now we’re gonna talk about dot number one, ensuring a supportive environment. Emotional safety equals a sense of control. Children feel more secure, in control and competent when they can predict what happens next. Some children worry and feel insecure when they don’t remember what happens next. When children have the time and tools to finish what they are doing and prepare for the next activity, they’re less likely to get frustrated and give up or misbehave. And when they remember and follow a simple rule, they experience a sense of mastery, which supports initiative, especially when they are involved in developing those rules. So what does that look like? Schedule and routines. Transitions. And rules. So a home example. A routine is an activity, activities that happen about the same time and in about the same way every day. It provides comfort and a sense of safety to young children and to adults. I’m just inserting that. Transition is moving from one event to another. Use the tool to cue the child about what is next. Then you have a daily schedule. Scheduling refers to the parent deciding who will do what and when they will do it, so times and responsibilities. The schedule is made up of routines and transition between these routines. Routines guide positive behavior and safety. Routines help children learn self-control when they can actively participate as much as possible. Routines are like instructions, they guide children’s actions towards a specific goal. Routines can be used for many reasons, but two of the most important are ensuring children’s health and safety and helping children learn positive, responsible behavior. For example, children wash their hands before they have a snack or they must hold an adult’s hand when crossing the street. Special rituals can also help a child transition. A child from one caregiver to the next, such as this routine. Each day, Luke and his mother count the steps as they walk up the childcare center. They leave his coat and lunch in his cubby. Then they go to the toy area where the other children are playing. Luke picks out a toy. He and his mother exchange butterfly kisses, and Mom waves goodbye. It might be helpful to think of routines as child-driven transitions, as child-driven transitions as a parent helping a child, and schedule is set up by the parent or is parent-driven. So again, a routine. Example at home may look like bedtime routine starts at 7:45, and includes picking out PJs, reading two books, singing a song and one night light on. And then transition. So before bedtime routine starts. So if the routine starts at 7:45, about 7:30, there’s gonna be a 15-minute warning. And then 10 minutes later, you can set a five-minute kitchen timer. And then start turning the lights out and heading to the bedroom to pick out pajamas and books. And then your daily schedule. Bedtime routine is from 7:30 to 8:30 during the school week, and eight to nine on weekends. Just remember that a routine plus a transition equals your daily schedule. So you’re gonna want to review a daily schedule often. Use photographs of the child as much as you can so he or she can see themselves in the schedule, and it feels more engaging that way for them. Most preschool kids can’t read. Remember this when you point to a beautifully written schedule, and consider a photograph example instead. Review the schedule every time you transition until a child remembers what happens next. This may happen quicker for some children than others. Have the child help create the visual schedule so that they can feel like they own it. And for some kids, they might need a handheld schedule or something they can carry with them to help remind them what happens next. So this picture is just an example of a daily schedule. So some people use paper and cardboard. You can use whatever you feel like is comfortable for you. This is also another picture of different kinds of routines that you, daily schedules that you might have at home. When you take this training, the full training, you will be provided with some materials, some clip art and stuff like that, so you can actually put that to work, or put that together and start to use it right away. So a consistent schedule provides routines for children, which strengthens feelings of security and confidence. Schedules at home should include a nap and meal time around the same time each day. It’s also important to include a balance of activities, such as active play so they can get their wild out. Quiet time, which might include TV time or book time. Independent play, it’s very important that they learn to play by themselves. And then some one-on-one adult time. And don’t forget plenty of sleep. So we’re gonna wanna limit surprises by taking the time to explain schedule changes. The change is gonna happen. It always does. But the more we can be one step ahead, the better we’re going to be. You may want to have a rainy day schedule, when outside isn’t going to be an option, or a snow day schedule or whatever the case may be. You may want to have that alternate schedule as a backup so that they can help understand change. So you also want to not only, we not only wanna limit surprises, but you also wanna limit promises. Surprises. So let’s talk about that for just a second. Rather than saying, “Hurry up, “a big surprise is waiting,” say, “When we finish lunch, “Jacob’s mom’s gonna come “and sing us a special song.” Surprises can create a lot of anxiety with kids. Excitement can feel overwhelming and be very distracting for them. So think about the day before vacation. It’s very hard to focus on our work. And keep in mind that kids don’t have the mental ability to focus on the task at hand while anticipating something exciting later. And then some kids find surprises stressful and scary, and may be disappointed when the surprises end up not being what they had built up in their mind. Be careful with promises. Be absolutely sure that you can keep a promise if you make one. Keeping promises builds trust and safety in the relationship. However, breaking promises creates the opposite. It’s better to say maybe than promise something you aren’t sure you can do. And then you’re also going to want to remember that transition is a very challenging social and emotional skill. So some transition examples may be, “We will be cleaning up “in two minutes “before we head to lunch.” Or, “Remember, we’re going to fly “our kites to lunch today. “One more minute and we’re gonna “be cleaning up and flying our kites “to the door.” So you’re gonna have a simple countdown that has clear expectations. You’re gonna wanna have an audio or a visual reminder. And then you’re definitely gonna wanna praise them for doing that well. Some examples might be marching, patting the head, singing songs and other movement. Change them up frequently to keep it entertaining. I usually find that it is much easier with my granddaughter, who is two, if we’re moving from one thing to another, she really likes the flying a kite and she really likes when we pretend like we’re a cat and we walk slow and we meow. She really likes doing those things as we transition to new activities. Some other transition tools might be songs, dimming the lights, different movement, having noise machines or timers. You can choose four to five transition movements, and then have the child vote on the transition movement for that day. Or you can switch off if you’re in a classroom or if ya have more than one child, and choose who’s gonna lead that transition movement that day. So sometimes we set up activities early for our convenience, and then we get aggravated when kids continue to come in and mess with materials before it’s time to work with it. Remember to explain what is behind blocked off areas and why they can’t access that at the beginning of the day or as soon as they might come in contact with that. At times, the curiosity and excitement could be more of a distraction than the materials themselves. So when possible, you’re gonna wanna reduce temptation, just like we wouldn’t wanna put a huge piece of chocolate cake on the end of our desk the day we start a new diet. So visually close off what isn’t an option. So if you’re seeing screaming and yelling every time you move from one activity or one place to another, or if kids ask a million times when they’re gonna go outside or if they’re repeating rules over and over, you might be missing transition time or missing countdown. A consistent daily schedule. Are you switching things up too much? A visual schedule they understand, reviewing the schedule. You may need to consider reviewing the schedule more often or having a consistent daily schedule. Or maybe you have too many rules or you practice the rules at neutral times. And are the adults modeling those rules? So if you see yourself saying no more than you’re saying yes, or spending so much time and energy preparing for activities that they never do right or finish, or you see lots of injuries from climbing on furniture, you see lots of aggression and overall hyperactivity, you may need an appropriate setup for your kid’s interests and abilities. You may need child-centered activity goals. As parents, we often want them to do things that we think would be fun, but we need to make sure that it’s child-centered. We need to concentrate on the process, and not the product, of our activities. And then we need to balance active and quiet play. So when in doubt, walk around on your knees and add visual cues. Seriously. The best way to know what they see is to get on their level and look. Your classroom or your living room probably looks a lot different from the height of a two year old. So ensuring a supportive environment. You’re gonna wanna have a visual daily schedule, limit surprises, recognize transition as a social and emotional skill. We’re gonna want to reduce temptations, use real time and add visual cues pretty much everywhere. So at this point in the training, we do a small group or partner activity to reflect on the tools that we’ve just reviewed in the PowerPoint and the phrases on the Connect the Dots poster, which you’ve all been provided with. And then we’ll add our blue dot and you’ll write down what you could do in the environment to help with your hot button behavior. And so now we’re gonna move on to encouraging positive behaviors, which is to help the child link positive behaviors to healthy relationships. There are three main principles that make up step two. This step sets the stage on the third step, which is emphasizing positive discipline. Since children’s cooperation follows their connection with us, this step reminds us that we must first establish positive connection with our children before we can think about setting expectations and seeking cooperation. Remember the hand analogy when we go from the brainstem, or their survival level, to the limbic, or emotional connections, before we can engage our prefrontal cortex, which is our executive problem-solving. This is also very literal in that we can’t leave the thumb out, which is our need for connection. The type of connections we create influence the pathways that we use, from fight, flight or freeze to problem-solving. Children begin to create patterns of being a troublemaker, a class clown or always being the child the makes the teacher mad in this connection to others. Although negative, that’s still the connection, and it’s going to influence how they problem-solve. So if you are familiar with the bucket demonstration or bucket fillers, I just want you to kind of visualize this because I’m not in front of you, obviously. So if you are a pitcher, and your child is a pitcher, like a water pitcher. And let’s say just when bad things happen to us, our pitchers dip down a little bit. So let’s think of some bad things that might happen. Some bucket dippers that I had just today are my dog woke me up in the middle of the night and I couldn’t go back to sleep. So that was a big bucket dipper because I needed to rest. Then my granddaughter, she was very, very whiny, so that made kind of a hard morning. That was a bucket dipper. Then trying to get ready for this presentation. I love this presentation so much, but it can be stressful when you’re getting ready to present, whether it’s a webinar or in person. So that’s kind of a bucket dipper. So if you are continually having your bucket emptied, it’s gonna be really hard when your bucket’s empty to fill your child’s bucket. And so I hope this kinda makes sense ’cause things happen to your child. Their bucket gets emptied as well. For instance, when they’re continually told, “No, stop, don’t, quit.” Or they’re yelled at or they’re put in time out for maybe something that was an accident that they didn’t mean to happen. Even if they need it to happen, that’s still a bucket dipper. Sometimes those consequences are just bucket dippers. It’s what they are. So your child needs their bucket filled the same way as you need your bucket filled. So think about how you fill your bucket. I fill my bucket with quiet time and Bible study every morning. That is the best way for me to have my best day. In order for me to do that, I have to get up on time, which is five a.m. This morning, I didn’t get up ’til 7:30 because I was up through the middle of the night. So doing those things, that fills up my bucket, which will help me then fill the bucket of my child when they need their bucket filled. And so the general bucket rule is that you need five bucket fillers for every one bucket dipper so that your child’s bucket is never empty, so that your bucket is never empty. You cannot be expected to fill a bucket with an empty bucket, and vice versa. So, also, when thinking about how you keep your bucket full, I told you how I keep my bucket full, how does a child’s bucket typically get filled? Typically, it’s by the adults in their life. So we, again, we must keep our bucket full because we’re responsible for keeping their bucket full. Our bucket fills when we feel connected. Likewise, our bucket begins to drain when we feel disconnected. So some key points and concepts to remember is if you think back to the last time you just flipped your wig, flipped out, you flipped your lid, what happened to your connections? Were you able to calm immediately back down? Did you have to go through a process? So what kind of things do we do as adults to keep our bucket full through connections? So what if your boss changed as often as our kids’ teachers change? How does connection keep your bucket full and how do the two relate? You really need to think about that and figure that out because you need to use that principle for yourself, as well as for your children. So think about how keeping your child’s bucket full through building connections and how that’s gonna affect behaviors. And remember, as a child, I seek connection to, number one, you, the adult. And then learn to connect to others and then myself. So what kind of relationship are you modeling? If you’re seeing a lot of eye rolling and dismissive attitudes in your classroom or in your home, take a moment to think if you’re modeling eye rolling and dismissive attitudes in your relationship with your children or with other adults. Also, keep in mind that what you say is just as important as what you don’t say. Avoid asking questions, giving commands and criticizing. For instance, if a child colors outside the lines, instead of saying, “Why are you coloring like that? “Don’t do that,” think of a way to rephrase that. If a child begins making a tiger bark, don’t remind the child that tigers don’t bark. Simply begin barking with another tiger to mirror the play. And this is how we’re building deposits, we’re filling our children’s buckets. So if you look at the picture with the kid and the alligator. Go back one, Stella. That looks pretty dangerous. So sometimes it’s really hard not to give advice or say, “Be careful,” or, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” So when we’re focusing on filling their bucket, really consider if comments or suggestions are needed, or if you just need to ride it out and be the passenger at this time. So you’re gonna wanna let them drive, showering them with compliments the entire time. That’s how you fill their bucket. That is not saying let them engage in risky behavior or doing something that’s gonna get them hurt. You have your teachable moments. There are teachable moments. But when you’re taking the time to focus on making a deposit, you don’t want to give commands, corrections or criticize. So again, keep the bucket full with the five to one rule. For every one bucket dipper, you need five bucket fillers. So at this point, we’ll do just like the first time. We’ll add our green dot to the board and then we’ll reflect on the tools that we just reviewed and the phrases on the Connect the Dots poster, which you’ve also been provided with, and discuss the question, how can we encourage more positive behaviors in reflection to our hot button? And so now we’re gonna move on to emphasizing positive discipline by teaching appropriate behaviors to meet the child’s needs. So we teach. If a child doesn’t know how to read, we teach. If the child doesn’t know how to swim, we teach. If the child doesn’t know how to multiply, we teach. If a child doesn’t know how to drive, we teach. If a child doesn’t know how to behave, what do we do? We teach, we punish? So why can’t we finish that last sentence as automatically as we do the others? So you’ve got the meaning by now. So now what? We’re gonna learn to prevent it before it escalates. Replace it with a new behavior. And then we’re gonna learn to change the adult response. So in the training, you’ll be given a handout, this discipline brochure. And in the full training, we’re gonna learn how to reinforce your skills by using these seven strategies for emphasizing positive discipline, which are setting clear expectations, modeling appropriate behaviors, redirection, using the FLIP-IT method, allowing choices, giving logical consequences and actively ignoring inappropriate behaviors. So we’re also gonna talk about thought control. So some upsetting thoughts that you may have, and again, this is your thought control, some upsetting thoughts you might have is this child is a monster. This is getting ridiculous. He’s never gonna change. I’m sick of continually putting out fires. And then we’re gonna learn how to have calming thoughts, such as this child is testing me to see what my limits are. It’s my job to stay calm and help him learn better ways to behave. Or I can handle this. I’m in control. This kid has just learned some powerful ways to get control, but I’m gonna teach them more appropriate ways to behave. So then we will, just like the other two buttons, we’ll reflect on the tools that we learned, and then we’ll add our third button and we’ll come up with, because at that point we will have taken a deeper dive into those discipline strategies, and we’ll discuss how we can emphasize positive discipline related to our hot button. And then the final dot is embracing unique strengths. Embracing unique strengths involves the character strengths of the adult, character strengths of the child, the three main temperament types, overstimulation and understimulation. Put simply, adjusting and embracing individuality, and remembering that one size does not fit all. So at this point, we’ll begin to think about challenge behaviors as possible emerging strengths. We’ll take a moment to reframe that hot button behavior into a personality positive and do an activity together and add the dot to the board. For example, is it overuse or misuse of a strength, rather than a weakness? For example, you might turn climbs on everything and reframing that to this kid is active and athletic. Or like you see on your screen, maybe a child that you consider bossy right now can be reframed to this child is a natural leader. And so we’ll talk in depth more about that. And then we’ll talk about the three main temperaments. And we’ll have a two to three-minute activity that will consist of you filling out a temperament continuum for you and for your hot button child. Because maybe your temperaments are different. We often expect children to act like we act or like we expect them to act. And maybe that’s just not their temperament. So maybe we’re easy or flexible, which we tend to be happy, we have regular sleeping habits, we’re adaptable and calm. And maybe our child doesn’t have that temperament. Maybe your child is active or feisty. Maybe the child is fussy, irregular in sleeping habits, or fearful of new people and situations. So we’re just gonna discuss how the three main temperaments relate to one another. And then we’ll be talking about spotting the signs of overstimulation and understimulation. So while you were on this webinar, you took out your phone out at some point because you were bored with certain sections. So what were you doing? You were changing your stimulation level. At the same time, some of you were getting your phones out because you were bored, or understimulated, and others may have been taking notes or thinking this is too much to keep up with, it’s too much information. So keep in mind that adults are aware, subconsciously, where they are on this continuum and can adapt our environment and activity to speed things up or slow things down. Children, however, cannot identify where they are on the spectrum. They don’t know how to get from bored to satisfied, or overstimulated to enjoyment. So then we’ll discuss spotting the signs of overstimulation and understimulation, and then how to achieve the right amount of stimulation. So having choices and the appropriate amount of stimulation in an environment is critical when preventing, addressing or correcting behaviors. So we’ll cover more of that during the training. And then finally, we will discuss the five love languages, which are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. We’ll discuss what love language your child speaks and how you can accommodate this. And then, like in the dots before, we will have a partner or a small group activity and reflect on the information that you’ve received. And then we’ll discuss how we can emphasize positive discipline. So we’ll consider what is unique about this child that you need to consider connecting the dots, and also what is the personality strength that you need to channel in a healthy direction. And then, so you’ll connect your last dot. So when it all comes full circle, we will discuss my child, I am learning to. So we’ll talk about the hot button and what they’re really learning to navigate at that point. That is bringing it full circle. So we’ve got ensuring supportive environments so the child feels safe, prepared and ready to succeed. Encouraging positive behaviors to help the child link positive behaviors to healthy relationships. Emphasizing positive discipline by teaching appropriate behaviors to meet the child’s needs. Embracing unique strengths through nurturing individual differences and natural temperament. So it’s very important that you learn to not flip your lid, but to connect the dots. And remember, it is your job to recognize difficult behavior as the child is teaching you that he or she needs social and emotional skills to solve problems. It’s about coaching, not controlling. Stella, do we have any questions?

– [Stella] I don’t see any questions right now, Kellie. I’ve been answering a few as we went along, but I think we’re good.

– [Kellie] Okay. Well, if you have any final thoughts or questions, or if you would like to attend one of the full-length trainings, they are lengthy, but it, again, is amazing and it has changed my life. I can’t say enough wonderful things about the Connect the Dots training.